15/38
and in Death Race 2000 opposite David Carradine in 1975
Plot
A father and son working as security guards for an armored truck company come across a team of would-be robbers on a bridge. They get trapped and have to come up with a plan to escape and survive. The only other time Sly has played an antagonist was in Robert Rodriguez’s Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over in 2003. Armored money transports rely heavily on GPS tracking systems to increase their safety. If something goes wrong—whether it’s an accident, an attack, or an unexpected stop—GPS data helps rescuers understand the situation and get to the vehicle quickly.
How could anyone not?
I knew “Armor” was going to be a bad movie. One look at the poster or a single viewing of the trailer will reveal everything anyone would need to know about this film, which is better known as something called a "geezer teaser." According to Google, a teaser film is one that features older, well-known male actors, or “geezers,” in prominent roles in promotional materials, but is typically released direct-to-video and distributed via video-on-demand—plus, the well-known male actors (in this case, Stallone) only appear sporadically in the film itself. I knew this was going into "Armor"; but I was in the mood to watch a bad, cheesy action movie, so I decided to spend $6.99 and rent this movie on Amazon Prime. Big mistake. Truth be told, I didn’t find "Armor" to be all that bad for the first 25 minutes.
Regardless, I was intrigued
Yes, it looked as simple as a movie can get, with its bare-bones editing and generic soundtrack, but I found some things to be quite interesting, like Jason Patric’s character. Patric plays a recovering alcoholic who has never really taken the time to recover. The movie begins with him waking up at 7am and immediately pulling a hidden bottle of vodka out of the fridge. As someone who likes to drink and enjoys movies featuring people who drink, I thought this character introduction was unique enough to interest me – you just have to look past the inconsistency of Patric’s character living alone, so why would he feel the need to hide a bottle of alcohol in his own house, where only he lives and which seemingly no one ever visits? Patrick’s character is further revealed to be working as an armored truck driver with his son, played by Miller Garfinkel.
Enter “Armor’s” second act – the heist
Their relationship seems a little strained for one reason or another, but they get along well enough to work together. Unfortunately, one day they find themselves transporting goods of special value, goods that Sylvester Stallone and his merry band of thieves are after. In this film, 30 minutes pass before a gun is fired – 30 minutes pass before the titular armored truck heist begins. But once it does, it’s exciting enough, or at least as exciting as it can be for a film like this. If you push all logical thoughts to the back of your mind (one of those thoughts is, “Why doesn’t Jason Patric just drive a bulletproof armored truck into Sly’s gang and drive away?” 😉 You can enjoy the sequence a little bit where Sly and his thugs chase Patric and his son around a bend on a bridge to steal the contents of their truck.
After that opening action sequence, the “armor” has nothing else to enjoy
Yes, the special effects in this movie are some of the worst I’ve seen in a 2024 release, but it’s always fun to watch Stallone shoot a gun, and this is no different. Since after that opening action sequence, the rest of the movie basically consists of Patric and his son talking to each other while they’re stuck in their truck. Now, it might be – on paper – exciting if Patric and his son were talking about ways to escape their captors.
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